DIVORCE Intended?

Practical Considerations

Work Sheet to complete before filing for DIVORCE

 

1.  Finances

Create a budget for the two households to assess your new financial situation.  One for you and one for your co-parent.

Take into consideration alimony and child support, paid out and received.

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2.  Travel arrangements  

If your co-parent lives out of state or there is a distance between homes how will you maintain a relationship with your children?

Consider the logistics of a young child traveling:  is an adult or escort required if there are connections or long layovers.  

Factor in travel costs for your children, and yourself or an escort.

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3.  Extra curricular activities

If you or your co-parent remarry and there is only enough money for 1 or 2 children to be in sports and 3 or more want to join-who will be the chosen ones.  

Your children or children of your new spouse/partner?  

Keep in mind-that the reason the subsequent divorce rate for future marriages is higher is because there are children involved.  

A common theme in divorce education is that often times, men who remarry do not want a second divorce and make family decisions that appease the new wife (i.e. choosing her children for certain activities over his children in order to keep peace with their new partner).  This can wreak havoc in the marriage and create conflict with your children, with the co-parent of your children and your new co-parents' children.

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4.  Holiday sharing  

Spending time with your child at the holidays will now be shared with your co-parent.  

Are you willing to see your children at either Christmas or Thanksgiving on alternating years? 

Or, are you prepared to leave the house and your family (if you have remarried) on Christmas Eve or the coveted Christmas morning to pick up your children?  

Or, for your new co-parent, to depart the holiday festivities to pick up their child/children? 

Sadly, these are realistic aspects of divorce deserving of careful consideration.

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5.  Are you willing to have someone else help raise your child/children in the event your co-parent remarries or lives with another adult?

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6.  How much involvement would you like someone else to have in raising your child/children? 

Which of the following activities would you like someone else to perform because you do not have your children every day or because they want to be involved?

Picking up/taking to/from school, friends and sports activities

Help with school projects, study for tests

Teach baseball, basketball, football, dance, art, etc.

Coaching a team

Teaching about relationships with friends and opposite gender

Teaching social skills, how to dance

Teaching how to drive

Texting, calling and talking, each day-or how often

Teaching how to repair cars, cook, computers, crafts

Taking their child shopping for birthday gifts for the sibling of their child

Making academic decisions in school and for college

Discussing career choices, military options and avenues to fulfill their dreams

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7.  Are you willing to help raise someone else’s child/children when the biological father/mother is in the picture?

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8.  How much involvement would you like to have if you become involved with someone who has children?

Picking up/taking to/from school, friends and sports activities

Help with projects, study for tests

Teach baseball, basketball, football, dance, art, etc.

Coaching a team

Teaching about relationships with friends and opposite gender

Teaching social skills, how to dance

Teaching how to drive

Texting, calling and talking, each day-or how often

Teaching how to repair cars, cook, computers or crafts

Taking your child shopping for birthday gifts for their sibling

Making academic decisions for school and college

Discussing career choices, military options and avenues to fulfill their dreams

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9.  What lesson is your child learning about relationships?

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10.  Is this the legacy you want to leave your child?

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