How Long is the Two-Minute Exchange?
Time is a basic in life and dictates much of what we do.
“They say” time goes by quickly when you are having fun.
You may have a long list of amusing things to do. A list filled with events and activities you enjoy and even look forward to doing.
Some things on your list may be more like work; However, you march through your list because this is what responsible parents do. Right?
What happens when you need to do something that you absolutely, positively, must do …….and really wish was not on your to-do list?
Sometimes, for parents of divorce or separation, the exchange may fall into this category. Numerous articles outline why communicating with your co-parent is necessary. Techniques for talking nicely with your co-parent appear in almost every article on divorce and co-parenting.
Switching off and making the exchange is part of the process. How do we reframe this and make this a more enjoyable experience for you, your children and yes, your co-parent.
What if there is something you could do that would make a HUGE difference in your life…and, your child would benefit?
What if….this only required 2 minutes? A total of .0004% of your time PER YEAR?
We are talking about the exchange with your co-parent!
Realistically, an efficient exchange can be done in 2 minutes.
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In real time, the exchange utilizes 0.0004% of your time per year!
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Here are creative calculations to help you put the exchange time in perspective.
If you still view the 2-minute exchange as the longest 2 minutes of your life- keep in mind you are doing this for your child!
Let us look at the big picture. How many minutes are there in a year?
(60 minutes per hour x 24 hours = 1440 minutes per day x 365 days) equals:
524,160 minutes of time per year
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A 2-minute exchange, two times per week x 52 weeks= 208 minutes/year
What does this mean? In the big picture, the 2-minute exchange works out to:
.0004% of your time per year!
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How does the 2- minute exchange compare to activities you already perform (or maybe, endure) on a daily basis.
Let us look at five common events and see how this time compares to the 2-minute exchange:
- The offensive person at weekly office meetings
- A challenging co-worker
- A difficult relative at holidays
- A rude parent at school committees
- An out-of-control parent at a sporting activity
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The offensive person at weekly office meetings
Based on 1 hour per week for 50 weeks per year= 50 hours of accepting and overlooking this person.
50 hours x 60 minutes=3000 minutes per year. 3000 minutes with a co-worker in meetings minus 208 minutes for annual exchange= 2792 minutes.
Which means you are spending 2792 MORE minutes per year with the offensive person in weekly office meetings than with your co-parent!
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A challenging co-worker
At work 40/week for 50 weeks=2000 hours per year of working with this challenging person 2000 hour per year= 120,000 minutes. Take 120,000 minutes with a challenging co-worker minus 208 minutes for annual exchange time =119,792
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Which means you are spending 119,792 MORE minutes per year with the challenging co-worker than with your co-parent!
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A difficult relatives at the holidays
Holiday hours estimated at 35 hours per year of spending time with this difficult relative
35 hours per year = 2100 minutes. Take 2100 minutes with difficult relative minus 208 minutes for annual exchange time=1892 minutes.
Which means you are spending 1892 MORE minutes per year with the difficult relative at the holidays then with your co-parent at the exchanges!
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A rude parent at school committees
4 committee meetings estimated at 3 hours each= 12 hours with this rude parent
12 hours per year=720 minutes. Take 720 minutes with this rude parent MINUS 208 minutes for annual exchange time=512 minutes.
Which means you are spending 512 MORE minutes per year with the rude parent at meetings than with your co-parent at the exchanges!
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An out-of-control parent at a sporting activity
2.5 hours/game for 12 week season=30 hrs/yr of being in the presence of this out-of-control parent
30 hours per year= 1800 minutes/year. Take 1800 minutes with this difficult parent minus 208 minutes for annual exchange=1592 minutes.
Which means you are spending 1592 MORE minutes per year with the out of control parent than with your co-parent at the exchanges!
In essence, each day we complete tasks and deal with people, that if given a choice, we might not. However, we talk with these people at work, we problem solve at meetings, we make small talk at family gatherings and put up with difficult parents at committee meetings and sporting events.
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Why? Because we have to!
Because communicating well, being considerate, kind and tolerant is part of being an adult. Communicating with your co-parent is a MUST for you and your family. In essence talking nicely with your co-parent is important to your child!
In the scheme of things, this annual amount of .0004% of your time is minuscule.
Especially, when compared to the benefit to you, your co-parent and your child.
Suggestions to streamline the exchange process:
▪ Say all “good-byes” and “I love yours” in the car before arriving at the destination
▪ For young ones, fly your little Superman or butterfly into the welcoming arms of your co-parent
▪ Have bags, school projects, and extras ready to pass to your co-parent
Focus on your child, and the two-minutes will go fast.
Regardless of the emotional cost to you; Children seeing their parents communicate well is PRICELESS!
End article.
Ruth A. Nichols, M.A., M.A., CFLE
Contact: RNichols@SharedParentingInfo.com
1075 N. Tustin Avenue P.O. Box 5070
Orange, California 92867 United States
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